Assignment 2: Selected Painting, Sentence and concept sketch
" A young man sits... waiting on his impending death.. he tries to break free from all that is familiar to him.. but he cant escape from the earth to which he is bound to"
what a emotive sentence!!!... i think it is great alfi... it encourages so many emotions...i think however, they want something much more literal. the problem with the sentence is that it dosen't tell me what you are thinking- your leaving it open for interpritation which is great for the final design but for the sentence i think it needs to be more literal.
its frustrating because we are forever being to taught to be anything but literal however....
I reackon they would probably want you to write something more literal and simple.. along the lines of a young man sits in his (bedroom, hospital bed, psycatric ward, basement or what ever type of space you are creating)waiting for his impending death from (cancer or loneliness or what ever he is dying from). He has given up hope.
A young man sits in his basement waiting for his impending death from loneliness. He has given up hope.
so his activity is sitting and waiting for his death. he is defined as a young man..you have defined what he is dying from- so if its just loneliness then you can create that mood or if it is cancer- then you can create a clinical hospital feel or something like that.
does that help... dont change the feel of the sentence cause i think its great but just try and define the man and his situation and his activity a bit more.
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1 comment:
what a emotive sentence!!!... i think it is great alfi... it encourages so many emotions...i think however, they want something much more literal. the problem with the sentence is that it dosen't tell me what you are thinking- your leaving it open for interpritation which is great for the final design but for the sentence i think it needs to be more literal.
its frustrating because we are forever being to taught to be anything but literal however....
I reackon they would probably want you to write something more literal and simple.. along the lines of
a young man sits in his (bedroom, hospital bed, psycatric ward, basement or what ever type of space you are creating)waiting for his impending death from (cancer or loneliness or what ever he is dying from). He has given up hope.
A young man sits in his basement waiting for his impending death from loneliness. He has given up hope.
so his activity is sitting and waiting for his death. he is defined as a young man..you have defined what he is dying from- so if its just loneliness then you can create that mood or if it is cancer- then you can create a clinical hospital feel or something like that.
does that help... dont change the feel of the sentence cause i think its great but just try and define the man and his situation and his activity a bit more.
sorry bout the essay...
em
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